The sense of the past

"Can you one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss?"

Accepting that all you worked for has gone, and there is nothing you can to that can bring it back, is much harder than walking for 30 km a day without food. As I did for seven days this september.

i think, as engineer, of the law of conservation of mass, and i wander... where, all we built up in these two years and half, have gone? It should be somewhere. It cannot have just disappeared all of a sudden.
when you build up a relationship with a friend, every moment or word will remain as a cornerstone in your friendship. Why now is it so different?
I look into myself and i see a bare landscape of a destroyed city. It seems like after a war, where there is nothing than ruins. All the work of the man has been destroyed by the man itself. How can this be possible? I don't dare believe it. It is something u cannot explain, u can't understand. The question of these days is "What is the sense of the past spent together?"
I blame myself for not understanding. I'm sure that if i understood, i would feel better. If i want to understand i have to change my point of view. Looking at the same world with different eyes, That is wisdom. Sorry, but for the moment i can't.