The Paradise Lost

I was told "if you want something, just go and get it". I don't think it is true. Sometimes you have just have patience and wait, because it is not everything based on our own will. In this moment i would like to go to take what was mine, but i can't. I can't because her heart looks towards another direction. This blog was born to deal with philosophical isses, more than personal problem, but my whole mind has just one tought.
I don't know what has happened in the last weeks, but in these days, wandering all around this delightful town i slowly changed my mind. I don't know how it is possible, but it is.
We have just given up. Everything seemed fine until now. But now it is different. I look deeply into the eyes of girls in here, but I cannot find in anybody else what i was able to find in hers.

This is one of the most difficult period of my life.
I talked to her, and this helped me. This night i didn't sleep well, or better, i hardly closed my eyes. I thought all the time, about everything. My mind was a flood, a storm, a hurricane.
I realized that it is impossible to survive without a Hope. If there is no hope, your mind will create it, in order to survive. Even against every connection with the real world, you will hope anyway.
That's what i tought yesterday night (this and many other things). In this moment i need an hope, and even if i searched everywhere, i don't find any other hope than her. In this earthquake of feelings i sometime have a brief instant of light. If I am rational i can realize that she has already gone. There's no way now. If I think how the way actually is, i really don't know how stuff can work out. No way at all.

It's hard to have a long distance relationship. A relationship is staying together. Maybe reading a different book in the same room, silently.
In the last year our relationship was based on spending one hour per day chatting on skype.
You start talking, then you discuss and at the end you argue. If you just talk all the time you often make the mistake of trying to solve all the problem in a moment. Whereas you should take your time, and solving problems one by one. Relaxing, breathing, hugging, sometimes talking, but first of all staying together.
In the last year we just talked (a lot) about the way of staying together. If things doesn't change, all these discussion will turn in a wasting of energy.
We have met, in the last year, just six times. An average of one every two months. Even if i staied there longer in march (a couple of weeks), six times a year is simply too few. Our relationship was frozen, waiting for a spring, that in our mind should have been arriving soon.
I still hope, against every evidence.